Florida’s Public Education Crisis: 50th Isn’t Good Enough

Tuesday, May 19th, 2009 @ 6:40 am | We Think

You Think Duh!

According to a flier paid for by Volusia County Florida Council of PTAs, Volusia County Schools, like many public schools in the state of Florida, are facing a funding crisis.

We’ve read and reviewed the information. Our proposals for solution of the situation are as nonsensical as the ones being presented by the
Volusia County Council and the state legislators in Tallahassee.
If we were writing this material here’s how we’d say it:

We agree 50th out of 50 states is not good enough. We’re in danger of becoming number 49. We must take every available step to insure no other state including, Louisiana, Alabama, and Georgia, can push us out of the bottom slot.

Maximize flexibility and increase local control. Leave it to the local geniuses to reduce school hours to begin at 1100am and end at 2pm with an hour for lunch.

Enact no new K-12 mandates; in fact delay the 2009-2010 school year to begin in autumn 2011, possibly, to be determined.Class size amendment requirements by continuing school wide average. If school wide average must be 25 students per class, and we currently have 100 students per class, then it is necessary to add hundreds of classes with nobody in them until the average is reduced to less than 25. Great savings are to be found here, because there is no teacher, there are no students and there are no classrooms to be heated or cooled. These are virtual classrooms that exist only on paper or the legislature’s imagination, whichever you prefer.

Implement new high school grading and graduation requirements. If you actually get to high school, you automatically graduate.

Implementation of virtual k-8 virtual education. Stay home and learn how to play video games, and when you’re really good at it, we’ll enroll you for a day in high school; you will automatically graduate because you got there!

Expansion of middle school physical education requirements. Having dispensed with any book learning from k to grade 6 learning will be focused on physical education. Reading, writing and arithmetic who needs it?

Potential sources of increased revenue: Elimination of certain sales tax exemptions. Tax every mother-smucker for everything and do not pass it on.

Expanded collection of Internet sales tax revenue. Tax all those children who are no longer going to school and now spend their day ordering things on line.

Raising general sales tax by one percent. These kids are going to be too dumb to work we need to get our income from somewhere.

Repeal reductions in intangible taxes. Intangible taxes are taxes that don’t exist, non-tangible. Repeal their imaginary reductions.

Designation of existing gaming revenue primarily to public education, while tightening the gaming laws and educating the public about the dangers of gambling. This should ensure reduced income.

Increased tobacco and alcohol sales tax by media blitzing the children and adults that they should neither drink nor smoke. Raise the drinking age to 35; raise the smoking age to 40.

The education of the young in Florida is general speaking a complete write off! Forget it they’re too stupid. We propose more bang for the buck. Make the computer smarter. No need to read or write. Teach the computers to understand “you all” ” youse” and other colloquialisms. Teach the computer to read to the students.

Smarter computers are the solution to everything. For example look at how successful our computers have been in the voting industry. This is a growth, meaning win-win, opportunity if you are in the computer distribution industry. As everyone knows computers have to be replaced every four years because they are outdated.

Now that we have computers in the voting industry, in the virtual education, in reading and writing for our children, computer is the industry to be. Like plastics in the movie the “Graduate”.

By insuring our position of 50th out of 50 states we guarantee we will be at the vanguard of popular illiteracy and the computer expansion and distribution industries.

Our children can learn to speak from answering the phones ringing from the telemarketing industry. “Hello. My name is Ravjee and I like would make to you the offer special today….”