HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2006

As we begin a new year I’m wondering:

Why super jealous left radicals want to run the country?

Why super zealous right radicals hate everything?

Why is the president the only one in his family who speaks like a southerner?
(Actually I've been wondering about this for the past five years.)

If Janet Jackson is married to Jermaine Dupree?

If Mariah Carey will finally appropriately cover her body this year?

If there was a "fix" in place for Super Bowl XXXIX?

Why the NFL chose Ford Field in Detroit, Michigan as this year's venue for SuperBowl XL?
(That's Roman numeral XL for 40, not "Extra Large" or "Xtra Large". )

If the Rolling Stones, the world's oldest rock'n'roll band, will soon give a performance using geriatric walkers? (Group members combined age is more than
200 years!)

Where Terrell Owens will be playing football?

Will T.O. become a broadcaster?
(This is where the network programming development executives begin to contact me for details.)

Why we still have Paris...Hilton that is?

Is Pat Robertson really a case for not supporting "intelligent design"?

Does Kim Jong Il of North Korea deserve the title "Hyper-ventilator of the Year"?

Why few people seem to remember the words of the late Senator Daniel Moynihan
who said, "Secrecy is for losers."

If our nation is at war with the terrorists, why is the attack being made upon us civilians?

Why there aren’t more comparisons of George Walker Bush to Richard M. Nixon?