A Banking Faerie Tale: The Royal Skanks

Friday, May 22nd, 2009 @ 8:54 am | We Think

As a public service YouThinkWhat presents another article to inform and edify banking consumers. We suspect while we’re all focusing on Gitmo, the auto industry and John Yoo, et al, the bankers, taking full advantage of our attention being diverted from them, are planning their next scheme.

We present A Banking Faerie Tale.

Once upon a time there was a very rich king named Sam Daddy-dearest, who had many daughters. The princesses had names like Skank of America, Sniti Skank, and Wacky Skank.

They were all very rich. Each princess owning her very own kingdom, a domain for which they were in charge with lots of money. Their domain was to collect money from others; just like the aristocracy of old, the counts, the dukes, and the landed gentry who collected taxes, grain, food, livestock and gold from the serfs, except these princesses collected money. But they were not satisfied to have lots of money, and besides they had extravagant habits. They wanted to play skanky banky.

So they met financiers who told them they could multiply their money. They went to these financiers. They followed their advice. They had money for gigolos, gamblers, exotic toilets and all sorts of other useless toys. And because they had more money than brains they multiplied and multiplied, and multiplied their finances until there was nothing left.

They went to their Sam Daddy-dearest, the king crying, “We’ve lost all our money.”

“Oh we can’t have that”, said Sam Daddy-dearest, the king.

And he looked around his kingdom to see where there was some money. He saw all the people with their little bits of money and he said, “There’s some money.” As the king snatched what was left of already meager wages, he declared, “We’ll take that!” He knew individually their funds did not amount to much, but collectively they could support the princesses in the extravagantly excessive manner to which they had, sadly, become accustomed.

So they did. They took money from the people in their father’s kingdom as well as from the people in their kingdoms. The people resisted, but the king said it would be good for them and their children and their children’s children’s children to work two or three jobs. “Your hard work is very rewarding for my daughters. After all they are princesses; they are too regal, too big to fail.”

Someone suggested the money that was taken from the people for use by the Skanks be used to pay off all the people’s debts to the Skanks; so that the people in rescuing the Skanks would have no more debts to them at all.

But the Skanks said, “We can’t have that. If the money we take from the people is used to pay off the people’s debts then we will have no more income at all because there will be no more debt.”

“We need the people to give us this money for free,” said one Skank.

“Yes,” said another, “then we can loan it back to them at a high interest rate…”

“Because,” another Skank reasoned, ” we took all their money. They don’t have any money left and then they can owe us forever!”

This idea was quickly accepted.

They took money from the people in their father’s kingdom as well as from the people in their own kingdoms. The people tried once more to resist, but the king said “It’s good for you. It’s for your own benefit.”

When someone else remarked plaintively, “But our children and their children’s children’s children will still be working at two or three jobs to pay off this debt.”

The king replied, “It is good for them too. Hard work is a character builder. And besides, it’s for the good of your country.”

“Your hard work is very rewarding for my daughters. After all they are princesses . They are too regal, too beautiful, and too big to fail.”

Tugging at her fathers robes one of the daughters said, “But Sam Daddy-dearest the people will hate us.”

“Who cares?” said the king, who should be re-named Dick Cheney in this tale for his callous attitude toward the people.

Another daughter cried as though she were genuinely concerned, “But their children’s children’s children will still be trying to pay off this debt.”

And the king said, “Either you have a problem with that or I don’t see the problem.”

Finally another of the daughters, the one most like her father, chimed in, “It’s not like it won’t get paid off sooner or later.”

“Or,” said another skanky princess daughter, “like they will be working forever or something.”

“Yes, that’s it. We’re providing for future generations,” suggested another Skank. All the Skanks agreed,“Their great- great grandchildren have something to look forward to.”

“Now daughters,” cautioned their Daddy-dearest. “Do not be careless princesses and get caught playing skanky banky. Remember, I am the only one between you and the people with the torches and the pitch forks! Now off with you and good fortune doing what Skank princesses have always done.”

So the royal Skanks continued to live their high life.

The people continued to pay.

And there was a story that went amongst the people that some day ……..