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Pat Robertson Scary-vangelist
We’ve concluded televangelist Pat Robertson is a pretty scary individual not for what he says, not because many people thought he was dead, but because he has millions of people who agree with what he says and we’ve no idea who these people are. We can’t put a face on the audience he claims.
Think about that for a minute. The man is the spokesman for millions of people who tune into his program. Millions of people who are faceless.
We also decided that his statement about the fact the other nation that shares the island of Hispaniola, the Dominica Republic is thriving because in his estimation, they did not make a deal with the devil. WE beg to differ with Pat Robertson.
In fact we found a letter, allegedly from Satan stating exactly the reasons why Robertson is o wrong….
Dear Pat Robertson,
I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action.
But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.
Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”?
If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll.
You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.
Best, Satan
LILY COYLE, MINNEAPOLIS
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